Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
Unread 09-18-09, 12:19 PM   #21
Seer
A Molten Giant
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 649
Subject: eHarmony Dating Service

To: Date: Wednesday, November 19, 2008, 7:08 AM

Dear Applicant:

Your application to join our online dating agency has been Officially REJECTED.

One of the questions we asked on the application was: "What do you like most in a woman?"

"My dick" is not an appropriate answer.

Thank you for your interest, and best of luck in finding a compatible partner.
__________________
Take it as you want or leave it as it is.
Seer is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-18-09, 12:25 PM   #22
Seer
A Molten Giant
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 649
And some pics...
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	If Men Wrote Advice Columns.jpg
Views:	588
Size:	99.7 KB
ID:	3376  Click image for larger version

Name:	Inspirational Photos Picture 16.jpg
Views:	596
Size:	35.4 KB
ID:	3377  Click image for larger version

Name:	Military Humor Picture 7.jpg
Views:	583
Size:	65.4 KB
ID:	3378  Click image for larger version

Name:	More Motivational Posters Picture 11.jpg
Views:	599
Size:	32.2 KB
ID:	3379  

Click image for larger version

Name:	You Can't Fix Stupid Picture 10.jpg
Views:	584
Size:	18.5 KB
ID:	3380  Click image for larger version

Name:	When Correctly Viewed Picture 2.jpg
Views:	593
Size:	36.6 KB
ID:	3381  Click image for larger version

Name:	Work Cartoon 10.jpg
Views:	552
Size:	16.6 KB
ID:	3382  Click image for larger version

Name:	Religion Can't Be Funny Picture 6.jpg
Views:	571
Size:	33.0 KB
ID:	3383  

Click image for larger version

Name:	Religion Can't Be Funny Picture 7.jpg
Views:	551
Size:	32.1 KB
ID:	3384  Click image for larger version

Name:	NRA Motivational Posters 1.jpg
Views:	629
Size:	74.5 KB
ID:	3385  Click image for larger version

Name:	More Motivational Posters Picture 18.jpg
Views:	587
Size:	29.5 KB
ID:	3386  Click image for larger version

Name:	More Motivational Posters Picture 10.jpg
Views:	587
Size:	49.1 KB
ID:	3387  

Click image for larger version

Name:	More Motivational Posters Picture 19.jpg
Views:	591
Size:	46.3 KB
ID:	3388  Click image for larger version

Name:	Should Make You Laugh Picture 5.jpg
Views:	586
Size:	48.4 KB
ID:	3389  Click image for larger version

Name:	One Picture Says a Thousand Words 16.jpg
Views:	588
Size:	33.8 KB
ID:	3390  Click image for larger version

Name:	One Picture Says a Thousand Words 15.jpg
Views:	598
Size:	41.4 KB
ID:	3391  

Click image for larger version

Name:	One Picture Says a Thousand Words 9.jpg
Views:	593
Size:	27.6 KB
ID:	3392  Click image for larger version

Name:	Adult Funnies Picture 7.jpg
Views:	590
Size:	25.0 KB
ID:	3393  
__________________
Take it as you want or leave it as it is.

Last edited by Seer : 09-18-09 at 12:32 PM.
Seer is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-18-09, 12:41 PM   #23
Seer
A Molten Giant
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 649
A "few" "obligatory" blond jokes.



1. Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one?
(You have to hollow out the head.)



2. Why won't they hire blondes as pharmacists?
(They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.)



3. Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
(It took her a month to realize she could play it in the afternoon.)



4. What happened to the blonde ice hockey team?
(They drowned during Spring Training.)



5. Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
(To see what was on the other side.)



6. How did the blonde die drinking milk?
(The cow stepped on her.)



7. How did the blonde burn her nose?
(Bobbing for French fries.)



8. Why do blondes have more fun?
(They're easier to amuse.)



9. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
(Frosted flakes.)



10. Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
(They keep breaking them with their hammers.)



11. Did you hear about the blonde that shot an arrow into the air?
(She missed.)



12. What do you call it when a blonde blows into another blonde's ear?
(Data transfer.)



13. Why did the blonde resolve to have only three children?
(Because she read that one child out of every four is born Chinese.)



14. Why did the blonde put makeup on her forehead?
(She wanted everyone to know that she was able to make up her mind.)



15. Why did the blonde ask her friends to save their burned out light bulbs?
(She needed them for the darkroom she was building.)



16. Why are Asians so smart?
(No blondes.)



17. What is the biggest advantage to marrying blonde?
(You get to park in the Handicapped Zone)

18. TWO BLONDES



Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench
talking........and one blonde says to the other:
"Which do you think is farther away..........Florida or the moon?"
"The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida.......?????"

19. CAR TROUBLE



A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

20. SPEEDING TICKET



A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks
her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

21. RIVER WALK



There's this blonde out for a walk.
She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank.
"Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?
"The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back,
"You ARE on the other side."

22. KNITTING



A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren,
the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

23. BLONDE ON THE SUN



A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!
"The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know.
We're going at night!"

24. IN A VACUUM



A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.
It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature.
Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

25. FINALLY,



A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs,
and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"Helloooo," answered the blond.-"They're watch dogs!"
__________________
Take it as you want or leave it as it is.
Seer is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-18-09, 12:51 PM   #24
spiel2001
nUI's Author
 
spiel2001's Avatar
AddOn Author - Click to view addons
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 7,724
A woman turns to her husband and says: "Sweetie, I'd like to get a breast enhancement. Can we afford it?"

Her husband replies: "Why not just rub them with toilet paper every day?"

Puzzles, she asks: "Why? Will that make my breasts larger?"

Without missing a beat, he responds: "Hell if I know. Seems to have worked for your ass."

He should be out of intensive care on Wednesday.
__________________

What people don't get is that I am, ultimately, an artist at heart.
My brush has two colors, 1 and 0, and my canvas is made of silicon.



Official nUI Web Site: http://www.nUIaddon.com
Official nUI Support Forum: http://forums.nUIaddon.com
My day job: http://www.presidio.com/
spiel2001 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-18-09, 01:03 PM   #25
spiel2001
nUI's Author
 
spiel2001's Avatar
AddOn Author - Click to view addons
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 7,724
A wife turns to her husband and asks: "Honey? Do these pants make my butt look big?"

"What a silly question. Of course those pants don't make your butt look big! However, I would have to say that your butt does make those pants look small."

His body hasn't been found yet.
__________________

What people don't get is that I am, ultimately, an artist at heart.
My brush has two colors, 1 and 0, and my canvas is made of silicon.



Official nUI Web Site: http://www.nUIaddon.com
Official nUI Support Forum: http://forums.nUIaddon.com
My day job: http://www.presidio.com/
spiel2001 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-18-09, 01:26 PM   #26
Seer
A Molten Giant
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 649
My wife and I went to the Durham cattle show recently and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls.

We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,
"THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR".

My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs, smiled and said,
'He mated 50 times last year.'

We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,
''THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR."

My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, 'WOW, that's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him.'

We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters, "THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR."

My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said,
'That's once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one.'

I looked at her and said, 'Go over and ask him if it was with the same old cow.'



My condition has been upgraded from critical to stable
and I should eventually make a full recovery.
__________________
Take it as you want or leave it as it is.
Seer is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-18-09, 01:29 PM   #27
Seer
A Molten Giant
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 649
And some more pics...
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	Things You Don't See Everyday 40.jpg
Views:	595
Size:	56.3 KB
ID:	3394  Click image for larger version

Name:	You Named It What 6.jpg
Views:	599
Size:	27.7 KB
ID:	3395  Click image for larger version

Name:	When Not to Have Your Picture Taken 7.jpg
Views:	590
Size:	47.3 KB
ID:	3396  Click image for larger version

Name:	Shit Picture 2.jpg
Views:	581
Size:	20.8 KB
ID:	3397  

Click image for larger version

Name:	Shit Picture 1.jpg
Views:	587
Size:	20.2 KB
ID:	3398  Click image for larger version

Name:	More Adult Cartoons 9.jpg
Views:	589
Size:	27.3 KB
ID:	3399  Click image for larger version

Name:	Adult Christmas Cartoon 7.jpg
Views:	591
Size:	38.9 KB
ID:	3400  Click image for larger version

Name:	Adult Christmas Cartoon 1.jpg
Views:	588
Size:	68.7 KB
ID:	3401  

Click image for larger version

Name:	Last Photo 5.jpg
Views:	572
Size:	59.4 KB
ID:	3402  Click image for larger version

Name:	Last Photo 6.jpg
Views:	583
Size:	52.1 KB
ID:	3403  Click image for larger version

Name:	Last Photo 2.jpg
Views:	586
Size:	17.6 KB
ID:	3404  Click image for larger version

Name:	Baby Tee Shirt 2.jpg
Views:	613
Size:	30.2 KB
ID:	3405  

Click image for larger version

Name:	Reality Tee Shirts 4.jpg
Views:	601
Size:	31.5 KB
ID:	3406  Click image for larger version

Name:	Reality Tee Shirts 5.jpg
Views:	602
Size:	31.8 KB
ID:	3407  Click image for larger version

Name:	Best Divorce Letter Ever.jpg
Views:	593
Size:	264.9 KB
ID:	3408  Click image for larger version

Name:	Twisted Mind Joke Picture 2.jpg
Views:	596
Size:	17.0 KB
ID:	3409  

__________________
Take it as you want or leave it as it is.
Seer is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-23-09, 05:58 PM   #28
Dramber
A Chromatic Dragonspawn
 
Dramber's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 142
Stupid Char Limits....
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	ATT1.jpg
Views:	637
Size:	110.9 KB
ID:	3437  
__________________
"Polymorph skills... portal skills... mage table skills... Girls only want mages who have great skills!"

-Napoleon Dynamage
Dramber is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-26-09, 09:47 PM   #29
cokedrivers
A Cobalt Mageweaver
 
cokedrivers's Avatar
AddOn Author - Click to view addons
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 212
Quick Joke:

Code:
2 men on opposite ends of the earth 
One is walking a high wire
The other is getting head from a 80 year old lady.



























What do they have in common? 

































Don't Look Down!!!



I give it 5 Banana's
cokedrivers is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 01-26-10, 07:34 AM   #30
spiel2001
nUI's Author
 
spiel2001's Avatar
AddOn Author - Click to view addons
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 7,724
CUSTOMER SERVICE...

It happened at the Denver Airport.

I wish I had the guts of this girl. For all of you out there who've
had to deal with an irate customer, this one is for you. An award
should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being
smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a
passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.

A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was
re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an
angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket
on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to
be FIRST CLASS." The agent replied, "I am sorry, sir. I'll be
happy to try to help you, but, I've got to help these folks first,
and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the
passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"
Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address
microphone, "May I have your attention please," she began, her
voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. " We have a passenger
here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him
find his identity, please come to Gate 14."

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man
glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore "F***You!".
Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry sir,... you'll
have to get in line for that too."

__________________

What people don't get is that I am, ultimately, an artist at heart.
My brush has two colors, 1 and 0, and my canvas is made of silicon.



Official nUI Web Site: http://www.nUIaddon.com
Official nUI Support Forum: http://forums.nUIaddon.com
My day job: http://www.presidio.com/
spiel2001 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 01-26-10, 07:55 AM   #31
Xrystal
nUI User and Supporter
 
Xrystal's Avatar
Premium Member
AddOn Author - Click to view addons
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 5,030
Rofl. That is so funny. DIA is where I go when I visit my fiance
__________________
Xrystal is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 01-26-10, 08:13 AM   #32
Riddrick
A Cliff Giant
 
Riddrick's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 72
LOL, Spiel2001

Okej Spiel2001, you make me laugh, gotto give sonething in return.

http://www.jeffdunham.com/

Dot...Coooom
__________________
Donīt drink and drive they say,
now i lost the counting for the
bad stuff that happen to me.
RUN when you see me becuse
iīam going to be soooo loaded!!!
If you donīt knock on the doors,
donīt expect a good welcome!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ya2KR4VQwu4
Now the real killing begins!!

Warsong

Last edited by Riddrick : 01-26-10 at 08:41 AM.
Riddrick is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 01-26-10, 08:15 AM   #33
Xrystal
nUI User and Supporter
 
Xrystal's Avatar
Premium Member
AddOn Author - Click to view addons
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 5,030
Just retold this to my mum and brother ... they loved it rofl.

Then my brother told me this one ..


There are three different types of people. Those that can count and those that can't.

Rofl. My mum went .. I don't get it ... rofl
__________________
Xrystal is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 02-01-10, 03:10 PM   #34
spiel2001
nUI's Author
 
spiel2001's Avatar
AddOn Author - Click to view addons
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 7,724
(thanks to Paul for sending this to me)

John was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young

layers (hens), called 'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.


He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot
and was replaced.


This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them
to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a
distance, which rooster was performing.


Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just
listening to the bells.


John's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this
morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! When he went to
investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets,
bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for
cover.


To John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't
ring.


He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair
and he became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result was the
judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize but they also
awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well.

__________________

What people don't get is that I am, ultimately, an artist at heart.
My brush has two colors, 1 and 0, and my canvas is made of silicon.



Official nUI Web Site: http://www.nUIaddon.com
Official nUI Support Forum: http://forums.nUIaddon.com
My day job: http://www.presidio.com/
spiel2001 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 02-08-10, 08:35 AM   #35
spiel2001
nUI's Author
 
spiel2001's Avatar
AddOn Author - Click to view addons
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 7,724
A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked,
"How long before I can get a
haircut?"

The barber looked around the shop full of
customer
and said, "About 2 hours."

The guy left.

A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in
the door and asked, "How long before I can get a

haircut?"

The barber looked around at the shop and
said,
"About 3 hours.."


The guy left.


A week later, the same guy stuck his head in
the
shop and asked, "How long before I can get a
haircut?"

The barber looked around the shop and said,
"About
an hour and a half."

The guy left.

The barber turned to his friend and said, "Hey,
Bob, do me a favor...
Follow that guy and see
where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has
to
wait for a
haircut, but then he doesn't ever come
back."


A little while later, Bob returned to the shop,
laughing hysterically.


The barber asked, "So, where does that guy go when
he leaves?"

Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and
said, "Your house!"
__________________

What people don't get is that I am, ultimately, an artist at heart.
My brush has two colors, 1 and 0, and my canvas is made of silicon.



Official nUI Web Site: http://www.nUIaddon.com
Official nUI Support Forum: http://forums.nUIaddon.com
My day job: http://www.presidio.com/
spiel2001 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 03-08-10, 05:57 PM   #36
spiel2001
nUI's Author
 
spiel2001's Avatar
AddOn Author - Click to view addons
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 7,724
Please understand, this is posted in humor. Immigrants make this country what it is, but, still.... it made me laugh, hard...

---------------------------

A Russian arrives in New York City as a new immigrant to the United States . He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr. American for letting me into this country, giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care, and a free education!"

The passerby says, "You are mistaken, I am a Mexican."

The man goes on and encounters another passerby. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America ."

The person says, "I not American, I am Vietnamese."

The new arrival walks farther, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand, and says, "Thank you for wonderful America !

That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Middle East. I am not American."

He finally sees a nice lady and asks, "Are you an American?"

She says, "No, I am from Africa .."

Puzzled, he asks her, "Where are all the Americans?"

The African lady checks her watch and says, "Probably at work."
__________________

What people don't get is that I am, ultimately, an artist at heart.
My brush has two colors, 1 and 0, and my canvas is made of silicon.



Official nUI Web Site: http://www.nUIaddon.com
Official nUI Support Forum: http://forums.nUIaddon.com
My day job: http://www.presidio.com/
spiel2001 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 03-08-10, 06:25 PM   #37
Vis
Premium Member
 
Vis's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,782
hehe, so wrong but hilarious nonetheless :P
__________________
Vis is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 03-08-10, 06:33 PM   #38
Xrystal
nUI User and Supporter
 
Xrystal's Avatar
Premium Member
AddOn Author - Click to view addons
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 5,030
Rofl, its like all the sexist jokes. They are just so wrong but you just can't help but laugh at them.
__________________
Xrystal is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 08-16-10, 06:32 AM   #39
spiel2001
nUI's Author
 
spiel2001's Avatar
AddOn Author - Click to view addons
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 7,724
More things that make me laugh...

.
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	decoy.png
Views:	552
Size:	378.7 KB
ID:	4707  Click image for larger version

Name:	fishing.png
Views:	562
Size:	362.6 KB
ID:	4708  
__________________

What people don't get is that I am, ultimately, an artist at heart.
My brush has two colors, 1 and 0, and my canvas is made of silicon.



Official nUI Web Site: http://www.nUIaddon.com
Official nUI Support Forum: http://forums.nUIaddon.com
My day job: http://www.presidio.com/
spiel2001 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 08-24-10, 11:45 AM   #40
break19
A Flamescale Wyrmkin
AddOn Author - Click to view addons
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 116
Blonde gets tired of being called a dumb blonde, decides to dye her hair brown and move out into the sticks, where she thinks everyone else will be dumb, too.

She walks into a country style car dealership, and spots a used cadillac convertible, gets a great deal on it..

Takes it for a drive, and thats when she notices the shepherd tending his flock of sheep, she stops for a bit. Finally, she walks over to the guy, and tells him

"Hey, I've always wanted my own sheep, if I guess the exact number of sheep you have, can I have one?"

The "good ole boy" thinks to himself, "No way will she guess I have 243 sheep here", and says "Sure lady". The blonde-turned-brunette says, "243'

The man is dumbfounded, but tells her "Ok lady, go get yerself one"

As she is carrying her prize to the car, the guy yells out, "Hey lady! wait up! If I can guess the natural color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"
break19 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Go BackWoWInterface » Featured Projects » nUI, MozzFullWorldMap and PartySpotter » General » nUI: Community Chat » Humor

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off