Humor - Page 3

break19 · 08-24-10, 11:48 AM

Another blonde decides she has had enough of the dumb blonde jokes at work, goes home and memorizes all the USA state capitols.

During break, a coworker begins telling another dumb blonde joke, when she interrupts him, saying "Excuse me.. but this *air quotes* dumb blonde did something none of you could do, I memorized every single capital of every single state in the USA.. go ahead, quiz me."

Another co-worker says "Ok, whats the capitol of Mississippi"

To which the blonde smugly replies, "M"

break19 · 08-24-10, 11:53 AM

What do you get when you mix blondes and alcohol?

Whatever you want.

-

Why do so many dumb blondes have sore belly buttons?

Men can be blonde, too.

- And, some lawyer jokes for ya -

You have a gun, with 2 bullets, and are approached by a gang member, a terrorist, and a lawyer, what do you do?

Shoot the lawyer, twice.

-

You are driving your car, and hit a pedestrian only to discover he's a lawyer, what do you do?

Back up and hit him again, just to be sure he's not playing possum.

-

What's the difference between a snake and a lawyer?

One is a poisonous, lowlife reptile dangerous to your health.
The other is a snake.

Seer · 09-17-10, 07:18 AM

Sometimes modern technology is not a good substitute for the older technology it replaces...

spiel2001 · 10-27-10, 07:03 AM

We all know those cute little computer symbols called 'emoticons,' where:

means a smile and

is a frown.

Sometimes these are represented by

:-)

:-(

Well, how about some 'ASSICONS?'
Here goes:

(_!_) a regular ass

(__!__) a fat ass

(!) a tight ass

(_*_) an ass hole

{_!_} a swishy ass

(_o_) an ass that's been around

(_x_) kiss my ass

(_X_) leave my ass alone

(_zzz_) a tired ass

(_E=mc2_) a smart ass

(_$_) Money coming out of his ass

(_?_) Dumb Ass

Seer · 10-27-10, 08:08 AM

Do I dare ask what a bul****ing ass looks like...

spiel2001 · 10-27-10, 08:23 AM

~roflma~

spiel2001 · 11-19-10, 06:34 AM

Men who lack female supervision...

.

spiel2001 · 11-19-10, 06:58 AM

Don't be such a door mat!

.

spiel2001 · 12-22-10, 07:37 AM

A little Christmas story… When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum.

When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor.

He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Not a lot of people know this

Chmee · 12-22-10, 04:23 PM

Rofl!

Xrystal · 12-22-10, 05:40 PM

hahahahahahaha

Seer · 01-06-11, 12:35 PM

Time for a golden oldie

todd0168 · 01-06-11, 07:05 PM

Originally Posted by Seer

Time for a golden oldie

OMG I LOL'd my tushy off!! xD

Raesoth · 01-10-11, 10:12 PM

FOOTBALL AND THE BLONDE

Football FINALLY makes sense

A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game. They had
great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game,
he asked her how she liked the experience.

'Oh, I really liked it,' she replied, 'especially the tight pants and
all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were
killing each other over 25 cents.'

Dumbfounded, her date asked, 'What do you mean?'

'Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of
the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the
quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!

Coote · 01-11-11, 05:37 AM

A programmer walks to the butcher shop and buys a kilo of meat. An hour later he comes back upset that the butcher shortchanged him by 24 grams.

Programming is 10% science, 20% ingenuity, and 70% getting the ingenuity to work with the science.

Programming is like sex: One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

A programmer is walking along a beach and finds a lamp. He rubs the lamp, and a genie appears. “I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish, but only one wish.”

The programmer pulls out a map, points to it and says, “I’d want peace in the Middle East.”

The genie responds, “Gee, I don’t know. Those people have been fighting for millenia. I can do just about anything, but this is likely beyond my limits.”

The programmer then says, “Well, I am a programmer, and my programs have lots of users. Please make all my users satisfied with my software and let them ask for sensible changes.”

At which point the genie responds, “Um, let me see that map again.”