I don't think Banzailib has any settings, since it's just a library. BanzaiAlert probably does have settings and is an excellent add-on to compare it to. If you can get that add-on to behave as you envision, then you can simply change the MazzleUI code to configure its use of Banzailib in the same way.
As for the sneaking up behind you thing, I'm not sure what you mean. If you're talking about a player, then that technically isn't considered aggro. If you're talking about a stealthed NPC that you simply hadn't noticed, it will only notify you after it has attacked you. I don't think there's any way for an add-on to know that you have its attention until that point.
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